Lingshi Academy
CHAPTER 1
SCREEEECH!! BANG! Wee woo, wee woo, wee woo. "This is Sam Willis, we are now here live
at the scene of the incident. It is believed that there was a car accident involving a young man in
his 30's and an elderly lady. We have also been informed that due to family matters we can not
release any details of the victims at this moment."
How do you sum up the life of a young man like Tripp Williams?
Well, you could start with the facts. That his parents were Quentin and Leah Williams. That he at the scene of the incident. It is believed that there was a car accident involving a young man in
his 30's and an elderly lady. We have also been informed that due to family matters we can not
release any details of the victims at this moment."
How do you sum up the life of a young man like Tripp Williams?
was born at Oslo University Hospital. That he won the Top of the World International Piano
competition several times. That he took over the family business at 20, got married, had two sons,
settled down.
competition several times. That he took over the family business at 20, got married, had two sons,
settled down.
Nice work, Nelly! Some good storytelling, here. I liked the narration at the start which introduces the character, as well as the high action scene where you used onomatopoeia (word sounds) like SCREEEEEECH.
ReplyDeleteYou might like to swap your paragraphs around. Have the accident as the first thing we read about, then it moves to the second paragraph where the story takes a step back and explains it to us. Then, the story can proceed from there.
Hello Nelly its. really good work you have here i really enjoyed reading it and cant wait to read wait happens next.next time i think you should try making the fonts the same color so that it looks the same.i love how you put describing words for the sounds.. i also really like how you described the main person in the story. i think you could be a really good writer when your older if that is what you wish to be.
ReplyDeletecant wait to read the rest of your story :) :) :) :)